So how do you know me? That fun, crazy gal that would often be out with friends? That person who has a lot of herself online?

Maybe I have just been spending too much time online. Or maybe I have just been making the wrong decisions. Or maybe I have just had too much time to think.

Because at the end of the day, there is always something that I am wishing for. That one thing that I don't seem to grasp for reasons I don't know why. Maybe it's just me. Or maybe I need to refocus on what I really want (or what I really need). Maybe I just need help. But I don't know who to go for help.

It all is a matter of interpretation and just how you look at things. I think this is how people should be able to learn how others see things.

Let's try a vase. One may look at it as a vase. However, there is more to that and it depends on how you look at it. One may look at that vase as a vase with intricate details. Another may look at just the material used. Some may look at it as a container of fluid objects.

It all really depends on how you look at it.

And so I think that I have been interpreting things wrong because I honestly have been looking at things just as how I want them to be. I never really see the entire picture - I just see just that part which I want to see. Sometimes, I try to take a look at other angles to know more but my vision is cut off by curtains. They don't wanna let me in.

So now I guess all I need to do is focus my attention on other things. I know that sounds easy to talk about but it's going to be hard on my part. I am just losing hope when it comes to this and to all things related to it. I guess my dreams are just going to be dreams.

I should probably spend more time sleeping.

When should you offer advice? When should you be a friend?

See, sometimes, I don't think I should offer any piece of advice or be there as a friend. It's not because I give pretty stupid ideas. I do know though that sometimes people ask questions not really to to ask for your advice but to have someone to talk to about what is bothering him/her.

I don't think I should offer what I have in mind and be a friend at times because sometimes there are other reasons and I think I only become selfish in the end. And I hate myself when I do that. And sometimes, I do not even know if I am being too obvious or if they are just too dumb not to see what I am doing.

For most instances, I think that there are really no selfless acts. Just as what a Friends episode told, each act is a selfish act  because no matter how you try to help out other people, there will always be something in there for you.

It was inuman night last night. Well, it was an unofficial inuman night. There was never really a plan to share a bottle of Matador.

And last night, I was thinking, gone were the days really when an inuman meant having to deal with 5 people or more because everybody was just enthusiastic to take gulps of alcohol. Gone were the days when we all would be able to just loiter in the office's lobby and later on find a group of colleagues loitering with you and then later on you get a large group who's all willing to be intoxicated by alcohol. I miss those days. But it's good that there's ain't much of that right now.

Last night, only three of us were drinking a 700 ml. bottle of Matador. I don't think I was drunk but the feeling was different now. In fact, when I got home, my stomach did not feel right. I was thinking that maybe my stomach was not that happy with liquor anymore. And I believe my tolerance for alcohol has gone down. So thinking about that, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I still have not weighed them out. But I don't care.

But yeah. Thanks to Julian, our very gracious host. Despite previous reports of inuman sessions in his abode going really noisy, he still said yes to hosting that small gathering last night. Well, small it really was so I guess it was okay. And yeah, thanks for the wonderful pulutan. Haha. I didn't know you could make something like that out of ordinary hotdogs. And sorry for wrecking your doorknob.

Thanks to Olops, too, for all those hypothetical questions. I dunno why but it seems like when it's an inuman with you and Julian, a lot of those questions are going around. Haha. Yeah, thanks for the ride home and for opening that locked door with the wrecked doorknob with a bread (or butter) knife.

And much thanks to Talie who was really blooming last night. Maybe Max Payne did that to you. Hehe. But thanks for also providing good entertainment (as always) with your 'innocence'. I do hope you find both the karir and the career.

Mabuhay si Radio! :p