Last night, we went to The Chef's House. It was Ahjie's (my son's godfather) debut with the Chakiks (don't ask). I had fun looking at Ahjie and Benson who looked just so alike as if they were twins who got separated at birth. Really!

Anyhow, the night was fun though rainy and cold. We had beer and some brandy. Oh yeah. I went for the brandy of course. Beer is just not... for me.

Anyway, while we were there, I heard tons of new stories. There's this one about a friend's brother already having a baby. Of course, I was quite surprised and I was thinking what could have been the reactions of the parents of my friend. After all, I know that they're not doing pretty well that's why they are venturing in various types of businesses just to get that added income. Oh well.

Also, there's this story of this person who's now expecting. The question now though is who is the baby's father? I mean, honestly, this girl just doesn't look like she's doing it you know. She's pretty... uh... virginal, if that would suffice. Promise. And now, what seems to complicate matters most is that she's been with two guys during that supposed time of conception. And there's this one who's willing to stand as the father (although he is sure that he ain't the sperm donor).

Another story I've heard was from this close friend of mine. A couple of weeks ago, he received a message from another one of his close friends. That friend of his said in his text message that he was just saying thank you for being a good barkada. Okay. If you're really not sarcastic, would you be sending such a message IN CAPITAL LETTERS? I don't think so.

Now, after analyzing that, we believe that that message was meant to convey sarcasm that his father was removed from office and he blames this close friend of mine's family for not backing his father up so that he'll still stay in position. Hmmm... Maybe. But my friend says, grown up matters should be left with the grown ups and we shouldn't be blaming each other over affairs that our parents are dealing with. Now that is quite so true. Plus, add to that the fact that if my friend's friend's father had not been messed up with the funds and resources, he should still be in office. But he screwed up for more than a decade. I guess it's just high time he stopped doing that.

Another drinking session guys! That way, I get to know more stories. You still have to hear those stories I've been told. Straight right out of the mouth of the babe.

Maybe having a son has been God's way of giving me my purpose in life. I mean, I have been thinking and reminiscing.

When I was a fresh graduate, I never did have any dreams. I mean, yes, I wanted a good job. But what job? I did not actually know where I wanted to work. Although I wanted to be part of an advertising company, I thought I was not good enough so I did not venture into that field.

When I landed a job as call center agent, I did not see myself having a higher position. I was no longer happy as an agent and I didn't even want to become a supervisor, a QA analyst, or any higher position. All I thought about that time was that I was earning a good salary (which I also spent in nothing worthy) and that was it. I did not have any visions of the future.

I did not save. When pay day comes around, I would withdraw most of my money. My mom sent me money for the unit I was renting. I only paid the electricity and water bills which only amounted to an average of 300php a month. Come to think of it, most of my salary was spent on taxi rides, food, Internet access at Netopia and drinking sessions. I did not have new clothes to brag about. I did buy a pirated portable VCD player though but that was no biggie.

But when I had a son, that become an eye-opener for me. I remember a letter a friend, Marlon, sent me when I was so depressed during my pregnancy. He said that maybe having a son would help me set my priorities. And I'm now realizing that it did.

I mean, right now, I do try to save some money (if I can). However, I may not have saved much but I was able to budget my money wiser than I had done before. I can buy milk and diapers for my kid plus some biscuits and stuff that my kid loves. I can still go out with friends and spend some cash on that. I have some spent cash on some pretty expensive (for me) stuff like a mobile phone, lots of original VCDs, some books, a trip to Manila on my own money, a computer, a point-and-shoot digital camera, internet connection... That kind of stuff. And come to think of it, I am earning much less than I was earning back in Manila.

Indeed, life can be pretty complex yet be pretty simple at the same time. And here I am, simply pretty still. Hehe.

But anyhow, I'd just like to thank Him. And thank Sky.

Haven't you realized? I've been absent from this blog for quite some time. I mean, a week and a day is that long for me considering that I am online most of the time. Now that would be a first. Hehe.

So why have I been absent? Well, simple. There are a lot of things to do. And I am blogging right now for I have been able to find some time to just update this blog. Just for the sake of updating it. I know that some people may frown on what I'm writing about right now but I don't care. This is my blog and I own it. If you want to read it, then go on. If you don't, then I don't care. I wouldn't be hankering around with some kind of 'promo' or 'stint' or 'gimmick' just so you would visit my blog. But to those who regularly drops by my site, thank you. I do apologize for that kind of long absence.

Anyway, my friend kind of took off for a week's worth of having a vacation. Now, as one of the regular visitors to her house, she has told me to check her house every day. So I'm doing that. I'll just see if her son is doing okay or if anybody needs something she didn't leave behind or if somebody needs a tutor or if Angelita is going to go down with the black cult. That kind of stuff. I can honestly say that I do not do such things at home. Haha.

Speaking of home, my son's birthday is coming up. I'm going to file a leave on that. It's not that we're having another grand party like last year. My son's turning two and my mom said that we don't have the resources to fund another party like what we had last year. So I'll be skipping work so I could cook a little carbonara maybe for spaghetti has gone quite outdated right now. Just a little something that we all could share at home. And I would maybe bring my kid to the mall and let him ride all those cool bikes he wants me to buy for him (which of course I can't). That kind of stuff. Hay... If only I had the money, I would be having a grand inuman at home! As if.

And speaking of money, I would have to work hard. Well, doubly hard. Triple even. I have tons of pending tasks and I seem to be only halfway through. I have been able to do half just this morning. So it means I can work out the rest of the stuff in two days' time. Maybe. I hope so.

I wonder who's going to treat me to a couple of beers tonight. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna.

I want my son to be complete. Well, he does have the love and the support and all the things that he needs right now. But he does not have a father. His real father that is.

His real father has decided not to include himself in the picture. I may want to include him but he does want to become a ghost to his own son and I just could not push him to involve himself. I don't care about him and me anymore. What is important now is that I want my son to know his roots.

My mom and my dad are always there for my son. That may be so however there is still a big difference between grandparents and parents. Grandparents are more lenient than parents are. So they say. And I am not the kind of person to have a relationship with a guy just for the sake of having a relationship. It may take months (and even years) before I do give my commitment to something, much more to someone.

Anyway, I'm pretty thankful still that my parents are willing to stand as parents to my son. I mean, I am often out working while my parents stay at home most of the time. They can give their full attention and care to my little one.

They say I am almost always out of the house and I don't have time for my son. But I really do try. You see, the difficult thing is that I live in my parents house and I need to. I do not have the resources to live on my own with a son to feed. So I cannot exactly have my say with regards to how I think of rearing a child. There'll always be other opinions and my son could always ask for cuddles from his grandparents after a scolding.

I know I should be over this kind of thing for it has been over two years already (including my pregnancy) that my son's father was gone. However, as time passes through, I just continually feel my son's need for a father. And I sometimes do ache when I see all those complete families out there wishing that my son had his own. But he does have a lot of Papas (in the form of my uncles and titos). But still...

Okay. I just wanted to let out whatever I was thinking. I mean, my son's birthday is coming up already and he's turning two. Oh time passes really so quickly the next thing I'll know is my son's already in school and he's looking for a father. And then I'll have to think of ways of how to explain to him that his Daddy is not his Papa.

I'm just hoping for the best for my son. And I hope he'll be fine and content without a Papa beside him. I think he's okay for now with just his Mamu.

I could very well just keep my silence and experience the rage boiling inside me alone. After all, everything about Cris Anthony Mendez and his death has already been told. What else did I have to write about?

But upon viewing this video from two blogs, I decided it was my turn to keep him and the hope for justice alive. The video moved me to bits and I was thinking that watching that Cris Mendez video was just like watching all those videos of Rambo Guran and Cris Hugo (though I know that their deaths do have different circumstances from Cris Mendez's).