Hopefully, I’m back to my normal self. Well, I guess I was able to realize that I had no right to think and to feel that way. I do know what situation I’m in and whatever does happen, whatever blame there is would always boil down to me.  

Thanks for my friends for being there for me. Even though they do not know what I’m going through right now, they’re still there and somehow they understand. Thanks really. And they really are a Godsend. Thank you. And thank You.

reileen called me up yesterday afternoon. i was still in the office. and i was feeling pretty bad so that my voice did not have the usual tinkle when i answered the phone.

she told me that she was at her job when patty laurel came and ordered something. reileen, by the way, works in a food joint. so she assisted patty with her order(s).

i laughed when she told me, "di ko matanggap. mas maganda siya sa'tin."

i'm supposed to write about happy thoughts here. but i can't. i just can't. i could try but i am afraid that it would only come out as a failure. so i'm not going to. i'm just going to sit here and let my fingers do the talking.

i'd like to tell you about all the things that happened but i can't. and i won't. maybe this is going to be one of the things that i'd better keep away from my "internet life" so that i'd best forget about it.

but writing has been a kind of a cure for me. when i am able to send my confused thoughts and feelings and ideas, i start to feel better.

so that goes to say that i might have a long time to deal with this current situation. i have yet to express myself and yet i'm scared. well, theon already knows. i guess we've been friends for so long now that he knows what i'm thinking (or feeling). good thing, he was at least able to alleviate some of the burden that i was carrying last night.

naubos nga lang load ko. but sometimes, things like that are worth nothing compared to the "heavy" feeling that you are supposed to get off your shoulders. oh well.

Thanks friends. I don’t know what I would be doing right now without you.  

You all do know just how stressed out my relationship is with my family. And so I do need all of you for being there for me. I may be smiling and joking always but you do seem to understand what’s behind those laughter and those sarcasms. I don’t need to pull off my mask for you to see the real state behind what I’m trying to show most people.  

A couple of beers at Chili Peppers. Jokes shared. Then off to Ate Pinky’s for dinner and some jokes. Thank you really.  

I mean it.  

Thank you.

Last night, Kiko asked me, “Wala bang nanliligaw sa’yo?”  

Of course, my first reaction was to ask, “Why?”  

I was thinking, was it wrong now that I did not have any suitors? Was there something wrong with the fact that I have been boyfriend-less for years already and I have most certainly been suitor-less for just around the same period. Really. That is no joke.  

But then I’m thinking, what do you guys care? Is it my fault that guys don’t like like like me?  

Well, maybe because I have a strong personality. And maybe because I may not be that pretty anymore (heck, I’m prettie than most of you girls! –lakas ng self-esteem! Hehe.). Maybe because I already have got a son who’s turning two this September. And maybe because they may feel intimated by who I am.  

Well, as I told Monsi, if a guy wants me, he’s going to have to like me for who I am and for I have been able to go through and accomplish. And he says that I am right. Well, that’s what friends are for, right Monsi?  

Anyhow, I did tell Kiko that no, I had no suitors for years. And he looks at me as if I was kidding him. Well, I’m telling you the truth, I say to him. He just shrugs.  

Don’t get me wrong. Kiko is a good friend and he will be a good friend. There’s nothing romantic going on between us and he just broke up with his girlfriend whom I know he really does love. Still. So there.  

Just an innocent piece of conversation between two friends.  

By the way, we already have a club right now. It’s called the Singles Club. But I’m not asking any one of you to join. If you would like to join, then join up. Just don’t join us for the sake of just joining us. We wouldn’t want to meddle in your mushy love affairs. So far, it’s me, Theon, and Kiko.  

I’m not so sure about Kiko though. I feel they’re going to get back soon enough. And as for Theon, I think he’s going to have a jowa soon, too. I just don’t know who. So the Singles Club is going to have only me as the member. Boohoo!