Starting March last year, I did my very best so that I would be out every night. Not exactly out that I would be partying or drinking. I was actually out with friends so that I would not have to think about the problems and the questions that come to visit me each night. But because my body is tired, my mind could not do anything but fall asleep and so those problems and questions just fly away.

I had been so happy each time I had found someone who would take on my whims and accompany me to wherever our feet would take us. There was no end to where I could go. My friends would tease me saying that I am most often out of the house and that I am the lakwatsera kind of person. Hearing about me staying at home would be something different to them.

But yesterday, I just realized that I have come to the point that I just got tired. My body seemed to be too tired that I could just plop down and close my eyes and wake up still in that very same position. I was that tired. I never thought I'd get to this point. But I did. And so I am now taking my time off. Well, at least for today. I'm taking this Sunday off and I won't be working and I won't be thinking. I would be taking care of my son who's suffering from a nasty bout of colds and I just would be playing my stuff online. Ya know.

And maybe tomorrow I'll be a recharged person again and more than ever ready to take on the world.

There have been times when I would hear foul things from this person I'd call Z. Z has been quite loud and bossy that you would have to follow what Z says. There are even times that you would rather just keep silent than tell what you're thinking with Z around. That's the way it has been with this person.

When Z gets into an argument, it is most certain that Z would even go out of bounds and make the whole discussion into something personal. Z would insert little bits and pieces of personal points which would only make you cringe and just shut up. That is why I'd rather stay out of harm's way and just say "Yes" to whatever Z is talking about. You see, I think Z has never been given much attention by the parentals that is why Z has got this personal goal to get all the attention that one can possibly get.

I've been silent about this before but right now, I think it has been some kind of a blessing that I don't have to spend (okay. waste.) time anymore with Z. See, I just realized right now that I may have been trying to please everybody when I know that I wasn't even pleased at the situation myself. I had become dishonest to myself. I was only keeping myself silent and just smiling and nodding when inside me, there was this part of me that's shouting at myself to just shoo away and steer clear of people like this. Indeed, call it a blessing or whatever you would like to call it. But I like the way how things are currently running. Yes. And that would be life without Z around. Z just went poof and I'm not asking any questions.

A couple of minutes ago, my son and I were playing when he suddenly shouted that there was a helicopter flying somewhere near our house. I don't know why he has this fear of real helicopters. Anyway, because of the helicopter, he covered his ears with his hands as if to block the sound of the rotors of the chopper.

Now, an airplane just passed by but this time my son was shouting happily and waving to the airplane. I heard him say, "Mamu, gusto Ky-Ky drive dun." (Mamu, I want to drive that.) So I asked him what he wanted to drive. He said, "Yun baga Mamu. Airplane. Drive Ky-Ky airplane." (That one, Mamu. An airplane. I will drive an airplane.)

And so I have realized that my son is just growing up so quickly. At the age of two years old, he now has this dream of being a pilot. (And I remembered my own dream as a child which was to become a cook.) The next thing I'll know, this tot of mine is going to tell me that he now has to go out with his friends. Sheesh!

If being a pilot is really Sky's dream, then I really would have to work hard now. I certainly am sure that the whole cost of learning to be a pilot is quite high. And right now, I can't even afford braces for my own teeth. Goodluck to me. And I do hope my son becomes a pilot. That means I can fly for free. Right, son?

I am feeling oh so stressed. Honestly. Like when I am in the jeepney on the way to the office, I can feel my stomach start to produce just too much acid. My stomach is the part of my body that reacts to all the stress and acid reflux has been one of the "illnesses" that I suffer because of stress. 

And so I believe that a vacation is what I do need. Too bad there are no websites here in the Philippines which would allow me to book a Hawaii cruise vacation without having to go to a booking office of some sort. Just imagine, if I were maybe living in the US (like New York maybe. Hehe.), I'd probably be surfing the net all day and looking at popular vacation destinations. Then all I need to do is book a trip to somewhere without having to leave the comfort of my house. That easy.

Too bad there isn't such a deal here in the Philippines. I really love taking vacations just so I can unwind after weeks (or maybe even months) of stressful work.